In truth, there are some miserable nights, but it's generally a unique and beautiful time. I'd be lying if I said I didn't enjoy watching my children float between wakefulness and sleep, it's magical and intimate, it's how I imagined being a parent before I actually had children. Sometimes, in the darkness, my children nestle against me, holding their sweet hair close, the feel of their warm cheeks against my neck, or their hearts pounding wildly in their chests—and I'm overcome with gratitude, almost to the point of tears.
I'd heard all the arguments about why lying with your children until they fall asleep is a bad habit. It's the number one kind of habit you're supposed to break when your children are babies. Except, if you don't, or they co-sleep during breastfeeding. Then, as they get older, what if they develop holding your hand or stroking their back until they're asleep? And then, even after they've outgrown all that, what if they ask you to lie there, soothing them with your presence until they're fast asleep? You might think... How will they learn to self-soothe? How will they learn to fall asleep without you? Aren't you going to create dependent children who never learn to function in the world without you? The answer to that last question is unequivocal. Numerous studies have shown that the more bonded children are, the more secure and independent they become. It makes sense if you think about it: providing security for children makes them feel safe and able to function easily in the world.
I go to bed with my children because they love me, because it's something we've always done, and because it comes naturally to us. Even though I often resent those extra 10 to 20 minutes of waiting, it's really only a handful of minutes in my day, but they mean the world to my children. I go to bed with them because between school, work, meals, homework, and other commitments, it's rare that we get moments of silence and closeness as beautiful and profound as those right before sleep. I go to bed with them because even I don't like going to sleep alone, and my children are required to have that extra security that even adults crave. I go to bed with them on the nights they're stressed, restless, or just need me and don't know why. Because I know their days of needing me this much are numbered. I go to bed with my children because I know that boys are often taught to be tougher than this, to get their needs and desires met, and I think that's a dangerous way for boys (and men) to operate. I sleep with them because they ask me to and I'm willing.
Yes, sometimes at the end of my long days as a mom, lying in the dark is the last place I want to be. Yes, sometimes I'm agitated, hungry, exhausted. Sometimes I find myself clenching my teeth tightly to keep from letting out my cries of frustration. But I also know that these minutes when my children slip into the safety of my arms or my presence are exactly the ones that mean the most to them—and to me. And I wouldn't trade that for anything.
Text adapted by Cristina Oroz Bajo from Wendi Wisner, Writer and Lactation Consultant, The Motherhood Experience.
Fountain: http://www.scarymommy.com/lying-down-with-your-kids-until-they-fall-asleep-is-not-bad-habit/