There's a phrase that keeps coming back to me, because I hear it too often in consultations, in schools, in conversations between professionals, and on social media:
Someone has to say it: stop romanticizing autism.
And I don't say this to extinguish hope. I say it to protect it.
Because when we turn autism into a "pretty" narrative at all costs, what we unwittingly do is erase a part of the reality that many families experience every day. And when that reality is erased, so is the right to support.
I want to say this in a friendly and respectful way: Not everyone can talk about autism from the same perspective.. It's not the same to watch from the outside as it is to experience it from within. It's not the same to share an inspiring post as it is to spend an entire night without sleep because your child is dysregulated, or because you're constantly on high alert waiting for the next meltdown.
And here's the point: when public discourse is filled with pretty phrases, many families feel they aren't allowed to speak the truth. And if there's no permission to speak the truth, there's no space to ask for help either.
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Romanticizing is not respecting
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Romanticizing it sounds good. It seems like a way to defend neurodiversity. But there's a huge difference between celebrate and make up.
Celebrating neurodiversity means recognizing that there are other ways of perceiving, feeling, learning, and communicate. It's looking at the person with autism With dignity, without shame, and without stereotypes. It means ceasing to demand "normality" as a condition for respect.
Romanticizing, on the other hand, means turning a neurological condition into a slogan: “it’s a superpower,” “they’re all geniuses,” “they just think differently.” And that simplification comes at a cost.
Because It's not pretty. when a child self-harms because they cannot communicate their pain.
It's not inspiring when a family stops leaving the house for fear of a crisis in public.
It's not magic when parents haven't slept in months.
And denying this doesn't help anyone. It only leaves people alone.
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The emotional trap: when "beautiful" turns into silence
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There is a very dangerous trap in this romanticization: guilt.
If the social message is "this is a superpower" and you are exhausted, scared, or sad, it's easy for that poisonous thought to appear: "I'm the one who's failing.".
And no. You're not failing.
You're going through something difficult. And difficult things need support, not pretty words.
Many mothers and fathers feel obligated to smile in public, to justify everything, to show that they are "handling it well." And inside they are broken, tired, afraid, with a loneliness that is not visible on Instagram.
Romanticization, although it may seem positive, can become a form of invalidation: if you say "it's costing me," someone replies "but look at it as a gift.".
And here's a clear demand: You can't ask a family to turn their pain into poetry so that the world will tolerate it..
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The real harm of romanticizing autism
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Romanticizing is not neutral. It has consequences.
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1) Blame the families
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When the dominant narrative says that "it's a superpower," many families feel they don't have the right to be unwell. And that's cruel.
Because feeling bad doesn't mean you don't love. Feeling bad means you're tired. It means you're carrying a lot.
And when a family feels guilty for being tired, they stop asking for help. And when they stop asking for help, they are left alone.
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2) Professional minimization (and delay in support)
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When something is romanticized, it is also minimized. And when it is minimized, intervention is either late or inadequate.
Signs of suffering become normalized.
Deregulation is interpreted as “manipulation” or “misconduct”.
The child is expected to "adapt" without tools.
Inclusion is confused with presence.
And that's not respect. That's well-intentioned neglect.
As a professional, I tell you honestly: Good intentions don't compensate for a lack of tools. And the child pays the price.
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3) Social misunderstanding
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If society believes that the autism It's "just being different," so he doesn't understand why adaptations, support, resources, and accompaniment are needed.
He doesn't understand why a family needs help.
He doesn't understand why a classroom needs structure.
He doesn't understand why an autistic person might need support for life.
And when society doesn't understand, it judges. And when it judges, it isolates.
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4) Resource cuts
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And here's the most dangerous part: when something is perceived as "not so serious," resources are reduced.
Less support in the classroom.
Less early intervention.
Less training.
Less support for families.
Less time to truly intervene.
And then we're surprised that there's teacher burnout, overwhelmed families, and suffering children.
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Autism can be both beautiful and challenging.
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The demand is not "everything is terrible." The demand is the whole truth.
The autism It is a neurological condition that can bring real strengths: sensitivity, memory, focus, honesty, creativity, unique ways of seeing the world.
And it can also bring real challenges: communication, sensory regulation, flexibility, anxiety, sleep, feeding, autonomy, interaction social.
We don't have to choose one extreme.
We can say: There is beauty and there is difficulty.
We can love our children deeply and, at the same time, recognize that there are things that hurt and that are difficult.
We can celebrate neurodiversity without denying suffering.
And this is important: Acknowledging the difficulty is not being negative. It's about being honest. And honesty is the first step in building real support.
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What autism doesn't need (and what it does)
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Autism does not need to be romanticized.
It needs to be understood.
And understanding is not about giving an opinion. Understanding is about looking with discernment:
- What is communicating This behavior.
- What is deregulating this child?.
- What support do you need to participate?.
- What adjustments does the environment need?.
- What tools does the family need?.
Understanding translates into concrete actions.
And here's another claim: We cannot continue asking families to endure.. We need to ask the systems to respond.
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Respect + support: the minimum to speak of dignity
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If I had to sum it up in one sentence, it would be this:
Respect without support falls short.
Because true respect is shown when the system responds:
- With communication functional (not just "that speaks").
- With prepared environments (not just "that adapts").
- With practical training for professionals.
- With support for families.
- With sustainable resources, not stopgap measures.
And also with something that seems small, but isn't: with a cultural change.
Let's stop looking at families as "exaggerated".
Let's stop asking them to be heroes.
Let's stop using the word "inclusion" as decoration.
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An invitation: share your truth
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If you are a mother, father, professional, or an autistic person and this topic affects you, I'm here to read your comments.
SHARE YOUR TRUTH.
Not to argue about who is right, but to open up space for what many people keep silent about.
The truth doesn't take away hope. The truth places it where it belongs: in the tools, in understanding, and in real support.
And if you are in Spain and need professional guidance for your situation (family, school or teacher), you can write to me using the form on Contact. Sometimes you don't need more strength: you need a plan, tools, and support.